Quit everything but happiness.

It is almost a cliche for a Grammy Award winner to say that the award cost them “sweat and tears” and honestly you should believe it when they say it. I’m not saying that i did not cry, but for me it was more like peeing in a Gatorade bottle for almost two years.

Growing up in a punk rock venue that my mom use to manage in my hometown Caracas, my playground was a mixing console and my favorite toy a double-tape recorder, at the age of 19 I dropped college courses and took the tuition money to buy myself a protools rig, build my own studio and record bands as a full time job. Roadhouse was my favorite place to be, for over a decade I had the best time of my life, nothing fancy in that place just a bunch of friends creating music, doing records for cheap and planning some of the best punk shows that ever happened in Venezuela.

*Foo Fighters Sonic Highways recording session*

In 2011 I saved money to fly and see the Foo Fighters at the Madison Square Garden, that was a great show !!! On my fly back, the idea of moving to the United States grew very strong because “i wanted to work with an artist like that”, Once at home nobody believed in my plan , some friends laughed and even my girlfriend at the time sounded like the one on the Dewey Cox movie, “you’re never gonna make it”. But I was all in, fearless and willing to work hard for my career, with a one-way ticket Caracas to Seattle.

After a couple of years living 24/7 in the oldest and most mythical studio in Seattle I was the king of couch surfing and a master of Dick’s cheeseburgers, a sharp looking zombie who didn’t sleep for months designing and rewiring a studio where the maiden session would be nothing less than the fucking Foo Fighters!! I did it, that was check off my bucket list and the beginning of me working with many other cool bands.

Running between all the cool studios in Los Angeles, doing sessions was a daily routine, things were going good, Gaby and I moved into a brand new apartment, this was our first time without roommates, and having a dog was way overdue for us, we got Angus when he was only 6 weeks and he was the booster of joy that we needed, a few weeks later I nailed a dream job! Getting paid a shit ton of money for mixing ZZ Top live around the world, this was my new life and after 9 months of missing my wife, I finally got back home to play with Angus, who was already a fully grown dog , “shit!!! i totally missed his puppyhood”.

*So much to learn from dogs, they always happy even when their home is a truck*

After the tour I tried to stay at home more by investing all my savings, but things went south and all that savings was spent because I was obsess with this fantasy about rebuilding Roadhouse, let us not forget, that at this time in history things were happening in Los Angeles, where appearance is everything and if you aren’t a butt licker you better have a pile of money. Between our lifestyles and the studio becoming a money black hole, our debt rose to the point that by the time I finished the album that got me the pinche Grammy, I was already sleeping in a SUV truck with a wife and two dogs, taking dumps at the grocery store and peeing in a Gatorade bottle just because i needed the rent money to make payments on a pair of speakers. Our marriage was in a fall, our mental and physical health was diminishing drastically, i wasn’t daydreaming about a studio full of friends anymore, my daily breakfast was a handful of suicidal thoughts. Gaby pushed harder on her job and moved us back into an apartment, but after 2 years of suffering depression my mind was hitting rock bottom.

The shit hit the fan when my ears started to fail, the high stress levels, insomnia and tourlife were the perfect storm for a tinnitus to thrive, i couldn’t trust the ears that feed me since i was a teenager, I started to isolate from my family and friends, I was sad and angry with everything , even my dogs existence was pissing me off, the two thing that were keeping me alive was the thought of not hurting grandma with the news that i killed myself and watching The Office in repeat to force myself a laugh, but it happened… one day my suicidal fantasies took me to ride my bike into a downtown light train, a inside reflex decided to suddenly pull the brakes and let the train pass, the turbulence of that train passing a few inches from my face, this was the wake up call I needed, I was about to quit my life and hurt everyone I loved in the name of my career. Still in shock from the train nearly hitting me, I had just four words in my mind, “FUCK THAT, I QUIT”.

*Talking about fake smiles when you just want to cry… This is the last photo with my mom and grandma.*

After a short retrospection, I realized this was not my first time quitting, blinded by my career I had quit deeper, meaningful things when i left home. I had quit the right to enjoy birthdays and holidays with my family, I had quit my friends, I had quit on my dog, a dog that I still cry out loud, regretting that I was not there to say, “goodbye Louie”. Louie died from a deep sadness a couple of months after I left but i wasn’t t allowed to do anything but to practice a fake smile to myself and keep pushing forward, “because of my career”.

The next day I woke up calm and thoughtful, with a strong desire to search for professional mental help and a heavy need to escape Los Angeles, the whole country to be precise, but this time quitting our dogs like we did when I left Venezuela was not an option and no way we’ll let Angus or Malcolm travel on cargo, so the idea that most sense had to me was, “Lets get a sailboat and get the fuck out of here”, to what Gaby said “we are broke, how do you pretend to buy a sailboat”. That is when I saw the pile of studio gear and realized that Roadhouse was over. Immediately I called my friend Jeff who is a talented studio salesman and ask him to take care of the sale, I don’t even want to be involved, I just dropped all the racks and boxes at his office, I knew that between commissions and fees i was going to lose money, but this was the only way to get it done fast.

When I woke up the next day Covid-19 was all over the news, reshaping the world as we knew it, one contagion at the time, most people freaked out about it, but for me the pandemic was an encouraging sign telling me that it was the perfect time to reset my life, quit everything and start something new from scratch. In less than a month the studio and most of our belongings were sold , the new apartment lease broke, our first boat signed and sailing from Los Angeles to San Diego a reality. Best decision ever! Our lives changed a hundred and eighty degrees, Gaby and I got back on track, the pups were getting daily time at the beach, we were happy with a new purpose. Working as a team to refit with the little money we had the boat to start sailing south at the end of the hurricane season, that’s when I received an interesting call from Apple Music offering me a 6 figure a year position with very easy tasks, the catch was that the position was in LA and since that city is nothing but sad memories I didn’t really want to take it until i got informed that thanks to the virus everyone was working from home. That didn’t sound too bad at all , I could really use the easy money to buy all the new sails, rigging and motor that we needed for our boat and the best way to pay for my scuba career. Even with the pandemic not going away anytime soon, my manager is pushing for a return to the office and to be honest im not getting paid to get sick so my mind set is to quit on my 42nd Birthday to set sails.

Making the best sounding album isn’t my mission anymore, now it is time to use all that experience and skills to fuel Gaby’s love for wildlife conservation and to normalize that is okay, to quit anything or anyone that hurt you or makes your life miserable, it really stresses me out to see how the internet is full of toxic positivism praising the never quitting culture when the fact is that just in United States more than 40 million people suffer from depression and anxiety, sadly 50,000 of these individuals commit suicide on a yearly basis. It is horrible to know that many people have taken their own life for not quitting a job, a career or relationship on time, and I know it sounds scary but I want you to believe that is OK to Quit Everything but Happiness.

Bob Perry told you what???